Restarting with a new vision

Possibly not so much a ‘new’ vision as a refined one.

Things have changed significantly in my life.  I’ve started studying, finished studying, started teaching.  I now have four children ages nearly 10 and under, as well as a full time job.

Things are pretty crazy.

Mental health is largely improved.  I know enough to know it won’t ever be perfect – I’m not even sure there is such a thing as ‘perfect’ mental health.  Maybe if there is, those are the truly crazy people.

However, walking is still a goal – and a goal that I’ve been largely neglecting.

Photography is still a goal as well – and another one I’ve been neglecting.

Right now, it all feels in the “too hard” basket.  I don’t have a reason to do things.  Just doing them for the sake of doing them feels too forced, and possibly too easy to simply give up on.  It’s only me, after all – I’ve been breaking promises to myself all my life.

For the past two weeks, more or less, though, I’ve been sugar free.  This is not a necessity – it’s not a doctor’s order or a sudden wake-up call.  It’s something I do because I know, from my past experiences, that I am addicted to sugar.  I also know that when I give up sugar, and am “clean” from it – I function better, feel better, generally just AM better.

Oh, but that withdrawal period.  It, just by itself, is enough to easily keep on consuming all the sugar.  Why change, when it’s so much easier to keep on keeping on?

This is part of the reason for re-starting the blog as well.  It’s possible no one is reading, or will read, any more.  It’s possible that no one reads blogs really at all anymore.  It’s possible blogs are just the equivalent of used pieces of paper, being caught on the wind and blowing aimlessly, unnoticed by anyone.

But, at the end of the day, it’s me.  It’s about me, it’s by me, and it’s for my own benefit, damn it.  If no one wants to read – that doesn’t effect me. If I give up on myself – THAT effects me.

Almost every time I go walking, I end up feeling better than I did before I started.  Surely that alone is reason enough?

I am reason enough.

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